by Sonia Orchard
Publisher: Affirm Press, 2025
Review
by Sarah Jackson
An important read for everyone
While in therapy, Orchard reflected on her life, choices and relationships. When she brought up her first “boyfriend”, it became obvious that her relationship with the groovy musician had been exploitative and unsafe. She was 15 and he was 26. When she finds her teenage diaries, her fears that she is a victim of crime are confirmed, and she lodges a complaint with the Police.
The memoir follows Orchard’s attempts to put together what had occurred, how she dealt with responses from friends and family, and the processes of the justice system. As part of her journey Orchard researched the functioning of the teenage brain and how and why young, vulnerable people are lured into these situations, why they stay in them, and why they don’t tell anyone about it. Orchard was mortified to discover that according to her diaries, her teenage self, believed that this was love.
She also examines the blaming that occurs – from herself, by family, friends, society at large and the justice system. This includes blaming the victim, blaming the mother, and the reduction of responsibility attributed to the perpetrator. She looks at possible reasons for this, and possible solutions to avoid it into the future.
Orchard has positive things to say about her treatment by members of the Police Force and victim support groups. Even though the case took a long time to get to the court system, she felt respected and heard. The justice system overall was found lacking, and Orchard draws the conclusion that it is set up to support perpetrator’s rights rather than justice for the victim. The reader is left feeling that the drawn out, accusatory process was almost as damaging (if not more so) as the initial crimes.
Orchard’s style of writing is open, honest and very engaging. It is like a conversation with a good friend, which is probably why the revelations are so alarming. You can imagine yourself hearing this from your bestie. The only thing stopping the reader from reading it cover to cover in a single sitting is the volume of information to be processed.
There is a disclaimer at the front of the book advising of the upsetting content and raw emotion contained within. Be aware, especially if you have been a victim of some sort of abuse or grooming. This book will resonate with you. The content is upsetting and distressing but is also honest, informative and offers ideas for a path forward. I have been fortunate enough to have not experienced grooming or any direct childhood sexual abuse (aside from inappropriate remarks -which most girls, and some boys, start attracting from about 12 years of age) and I still found this an alarming read. Orchard’s early life is very similar to my own (and to many of my peers), and as an adult looking back, I suspect that some girls in my school were subject to similar situations. If you think that you can manage it, read it. It is worthy of attention.
Sonia Orchard is the author of a memoir, Something More Wonderful, and a novel The Virtuoso, which won the Indie Award for Best Debut Fiction of 2009. She has a PhD in Creative Writing.
Publisher’s blurb
‘The first thing I need to know,’ I said to the detective, ‘is has a crime been committed?’
Sonia Orchard was in her forties when she told a therapist about the boyfriend she had when she was fifteen. Sure, he had been a decade older than her, but it was consensual … wasn’t it? To her surprise, Sonia broke down in tears, then began to shake uncontrollably – an unmistakable expression of trauma that lasted for days. She was clearly not okay, but could the relationship she’d thought was loving really have been abuse? Had she been groomed?
Years later, her own daughters now teenagers and the March4Justice changing the conversation about sexual assault, Sonia tentatively called the police. As she began the gruelling journey through the legal system, she saw how allegations of child abuse and sexual assault were routinely minimised, justified and rarely brought to light. Facing her own court case, she couldn’t shake bigger questions: how had we allowed this to happen, and what would it take to fix it?
In Groomed, Orchard shifts between memoir and research in an attempt to answer these questions. She delves into culture, neuroscience and evolution, unpicking the enduring narratives that fuel these issues. As she navigates her way through a legal system stacked against victims of sexual assault, the obstacles to justice become clearer and more confronting than ever.